Love Me... Um, No Thanks. Its Okay.

Quite recently I came across this little 'shared' piece of pie going around Facebook, thanks to the public settings. This particular gem is about husbands (presumably Muslim, because the accompanying image is that of a burqa clad woman and her Muslim husband) and how they should love them. Its accompanied by a geniunely very cool quote about how Islam too states that women ought to be treated well and whatnot, but I cant help but feel absolutely loathe-some towards alot of the qualifying 'love her despite' points on it. I deleted three off the list, because they actually made sense, but if you can compare it to the original, then you know what those three are- and I did it because I wanted this post to be a rant-only post. Whee.

 

"Love her …when she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.

I’m sorry but since when did Love’s ultimate sacrifice become tolerating your spouse sipping your tea? Bitch if you cant be okay with me sharing your goddamned morning drink without reason, you sure as hell are going to be a pain when it comes to sharing a blanket. And joint bank accounts? Never.

Love her…when she asks you to play with the kids. She did not "make" them on her own.

What kind of a father has to be told to play with the kids? And what does the second line even mean (no I know what it means) ?!

Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you.

Trust me, there is no massage men love more than an ego massage. The moment a chick shows the tiniest signs of jealousy, guys like it – it proves that they’ve got game and have enough positive qualities that would fester insecurity in their woman’s mind. Provided of course that she doesn’t go psychotic on his ass and start accusing him of sleeping with every woman he even talks to.

Love her…when her cooking is bad. She tries.

What the fvck. Yes, that’s the ultimate sacrifice. Because if your bloody broccoli is over boiled, its reason enough to not love someone and with all your vegetative might, still attempt, try beyond your capacity to love her.

Love her…when she looks dishevelled in the morning. She always grooms herself up again.

Worth mentioning that Cindy Crawford herself once said that “even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”. This point the author has made? Pathetic. Also, have you considered that she might look like a weather-beaten umbrella because she’s up all night…hearing you incessantly snore like a log?!

Love her…when she asks to help with the kids homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.

Seriously what kind of a father are we talking about here? What father wouldn’t even want to be involved in his own child’s education?

Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she's beautiful.

Right. Your opinion counts, so if you think she looks like a big black plastic bag, say otherwise. Listen, not every girl is a retard, and when she wants your opinion (at least this is what I think) she wants your opinion.  And there’s always a nice way of saying everything. So don’t lie. Tell her the truth, but say it politely.

Love her…when she looks beautiful. She’s yours so appreciate her.

O yeah, because that’s really hard to do.

Love her…when she buys you gifts you don't like. Smile and tell her it's what you've always wanted.

Or maybe just throw her massive hints that you don’t want that peppermint cream tie she’s been dying to get you; instead state what pansy-ass multiplayer game you want; pretty sure a chick with brains will get you what you want.

Love her…when she has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her change. Love her…when she cries for absolutely nothing. Don't ask, tell her its going to be okay.

You have MANY MORE? What is this? Some kind of sick competition? Who knows who has what? What is this author smoking? Don’t ASK?! That’s the worst advice ever!

Love her…when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and back and just chat to her (trust me this works!)

IM SORRY, SUFFERS FROM PMS? YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT LA.

Love her…when whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass.

HUH?

Love her…when she stains your clothes. You needed a new thobe (kurta) anyway.

Dude.

Love her…when she tells you how to drive. She only wants you to be safe.

NO. Nobody appreciates a backseat driver. It’s the worst experience in like, ever.

Love her…when she argues. She only wants to make things right for both.

Jesus H. Christ. Don’t love her. Bloody hell, reason with her! And who’s to say that she’s not actually right- I know tons of women who have egos the size of Panama; some women wont back down at anything.

All this forms part of a Woman's Character. Women are part of your life and should be treated as the Queen.

No, its not. Yes they are, and yes, treating them like Queens would be perfect. But please, if loving me means having to lie to me, or tolerate the fact that I drink your chai, please don’t fvcking marry me.