Dear Ikea,

I hope this post finds you at your Scandinivian best. Before I go on to write about my grouse with you, I must commend you highly on everything in your store. It's like going to an candy shop that sells hard chewing gum, Ikea. Candy shop because there are so many choices, all shapes, sizes, colours of the most delightful and charming things, appliances. The place smells so great all the time, and everything is arranged so tantalisingly that you just want to dislodge entire rooms and take them home, make them yours! Hard chewing gum because you know that before you enjoy it and before all the flavour of the gum is released you have to put in a lot of hard work- you have to chew. And I mean, really chew. Of course, chewing in this case is transporting all the stuff back home and having to assemble it, which I personally hate doing, but o well, what can you do. If you want the gum, you'll stick (get it? HAHA!).

Anyway, this post is not about that. This post is about the pillows you guys sell. I have one, and I'm planning to get a new one too. Have you guys noticed the size of your pillows? They're irregular. Sure, I can think, o wow, Swedes, doing things their own way, and I'm sure you want people to think this too. But I for one, can see through this. The reason why your pillows are irregularly-shaped is because you want to make sure that people buy its matching pillow cases, which you've conveniently overpriced! And that is not cool. Sure, the designs are pretty and very cute and would add just the right amount of kitsch in my already-kitschy room, but they're expensive. And for a pillow cover? Hello? The only other option we have is to get pillow cases tailor-made, and you know that most people would rather save themselves the trouble of getting a pillowcase in a less-than-flattering-non-Ikea-material-and-design, so you guys are laughing all the way to the bank, joyous in the knowledge that the 0.0078 % revenue that you generate from selling pillows is secure.

Well played Ikea, well played.

A.

PS. What on Earth is up with the cranberry sauce in the meatballs?