Dear Ayesha K,

You and I, we're much like this. Don't let anyone suppress this about you. Ever.

Love,

A.

2o1o

But it almost did.

Mama O Mama!

Turn WOW upside down and it says Mom.

This just blew your mind, didnt it?

Did you know that when I was younger, I also came up with this lovely line about my 12th hour-assignmenting abilities? 

It goes,

"I piss excellence"

Come To Tea Sir?

Why would you want to sound like yourself when you can sound British?

Dear Mr. Just As Weird, I Am Waiting For You

Mama O Mama!

though normal Mama posts are quite humourous, this one isnt. my mum is very wise, and this is something ive known for quite some time.

this post revolves around something she said today. to understand what she said you must hear this song. i posted it a while back, but i was singing it today and our conversation stemmed from this.

the original words of this song are:

tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi, 

yuhin nahin dil lubhata koi.

jaane tu, ya jaane na,

maane tu, ya maane na.

they mean:

you and i, we have a connection from before,

no one adores someone just like that.

you may know this, you may not.

you may agree, you may not.

so while i was singing this song, mama was like, you should change that word lubhata to dukhata. to dukhana, is to hurt. i asked her why. 

she said, because only those that are dear to you ever hurt you. only those you fall in love with have the power to hurt you. you're never hurt by someone you're not close to, or someone who you dont trust right? thats why only those that you like, love and trust are the ones capable of hurting you. no one else holds that power. 

with that one change of word, the entire meaning of the song changes:

you and i, we have a connection from before,

no one hurts anyone just like that.

you may know this, you may not.

you may agree with it, you may not.

at this point of time in my life, i havent heard a more honest revelation.

Dear Reader,

i like music. i like alot of music. maybe not as much as some of you stalwart-been-listening-to-the-Beatles-since-I-was-3 people, but i like it too. safe to say i enjoy it alot. now this post is more of a request than anything else. if you hear songs which contain any of the following 3 elements, kindly enlighten me. i assure you i will hold you in high regard for a considerable period of time after that.

. children's voices

i love this song and the peaceful-ness about it. i love songs like these. i like the idea that someone could just come up behind me and take me dancing to a tune like this. not that its very romantic or whatever, but its i dont know. it binds a particular moment. and i quite like the way particular moments feel.

i love childrens' voices in songs, especially without any instruments because it echoes innocence. theres a magical quality in the way they sing, the way they pronounce words. i just love it. and their voices are so straight, with no added embellishments, or fancy raags or styles. its wonderful really. also, if you ever get the chance, you should watch the accompanying visuals for this particular song from the movie, Paa. R. Balki, im sure you'll agree, is a visionary.

. whistling

i dont know why i like whistling so much. dyou know, i was 15 when i learnt it was bad manners to whistle. i hadnt known before. and my math tution teacher was the one to enlighten me. i love harmonicas, on a completely unrelated note.

i love this song. i love the words in it. but most of all, i love the whistling.

. gun shots

i also like gun shots in songs. im no violent person, but i love the sound it creates. also, i one day wish to practise shooting at a range. because i find guns highly empowering. i dont know why. not like to kill things, but just i do. i suppose its because my grand-uncle was once a very accomplished hunter. i just realised, i have a question. if you hunt game, are you a gamer?

so please remember, hear anything beautiful, please let me know. much love, b.

Dear Anon,

I dont know who you are, but for the past 2 days, with some extremely beautiful language, you've made my day. Not many people make my day two times in a row. I dont know who you are, where you're from, whether this is a joke or what, but rest assured, your lines have actually made me cry. And instead of being sincere to you and telling you how emotional I got with those lovely words, I told you instead that I'm hoping you're a boy. Obviously you can see that I wont be changing my desi ways anytime soon. Also, you made me cry. 

"I know we'd hit it off. Regards to your mum. She's got a tough little cookie to deal with.
Just don't ever crumble."

PS. Its okay if you're not a boy. I'd still like you for being able to see through people.

PPS. You must know that on a public platform, no one would ever reveal their real monsters. I am one such person. I'm not that brave after all. Sorry.

PPPS. I'd like to meet you too some day.

PPPPS. I wrote about your intial quote on Facebook. Someone replied telling me that it sounded like the blog was really awesome and worth reading. Hilariously enough, they didnt know it was mine. O well. 

PPPPPS. I like penpals.

"You are amazingly awesome. I think your blog is the most entertaining one i've ever read. It lights up my day and makes me laugh out loud. Its about love, sharing, unconditional happiness and finding delights in the smallest things in life. You're devastatingly special in so many ways. Never change."

"You make my day whenever I read your blog. Sometimes I feel we're best friends. I'm not just saying this, as I get no benefit from it, but I mean it when I think you're one of the most kind, compassionate, brave, selfless and intelligent people I know. Even if you care about what people think, you don't let it show; you're down to earth, grounded; at the same time I believe you secretly know how to fly. I like how you don't even try to fit in, when you know you're born to stand out. I would love to meet you someday. I know we'd hit it off. Regards to your mum. She's got a tough little cookie to deal with.

Just don't ever crumble."

I Raak

No, its not the proper way of pronouncing Iraq.

Its the Indian way to rock.

Mama O Mama!

. so our help's name is Ira, as i may or may not have told you. when the time comes for her monthly wages to be paid to her, Amma sings out, 'Ira Ira, jangan kira'. Kira means count, jangan means dont. and im quite sure you can see the rhyme i'm trying to make here.

. Mama came back home one day from somewhere outside and we were all having lunch. and she saw my hair, which i must profess, was a mess. and she was like, 'what is UP with your hair?' just to be all responsive, without even knowing the state of my tresses, i was like, 'its style. i dont expect you to get it'. she replied, 'yeah, must be all the rage in the jungle'. to which i snorted, but couldnt manage an adequate comeback. then she goes, 'you must attract alot of crows no?'

. okay. so at night, when we sleep, i sometimes sneak into Mama's room just to cuddle with her for a few moments, just so i can fall asleep. if there is one thing to know about me, its that i fall asleep like a baby given some physical contact. and i have major sleep issues these days. now what happens is that when Mama goes to bed, she's actually sleepy. she doesnt go to bed and then wait for sleep to come. she hits the bed right when she knows she's really sleepy, which basically means she doesnt want to talk about all and sundry by the time she's in bed. now Papa, is a different story. he likes to come in, sleep, but he doesnt actually fall asleep until some time later. when he does though, its immediate- he snores like a log so instantly that youd think he was drowsy all along. now what happened this particular barmy night. o wait, who am i kidding? it wasnt barmy. i just thought that that flowed really well. hee. well, what happens usually actually. is that papa comes in, talks and says weird one-off sentences to mama and then tries to initiate a dialog, failing which, he sleeps. and starts snoring instantly. i already said that, didnt i? o well. so basically, mama doesnt like this, because obviously she's really sleepy and when papa starts talking and asking questions, she has to reply and she cant really be all, ugh i wanta sleep, because papa'll go all merajuk and whatnot. so now she doesnt like this situation, but of course its inevitable, and cant be helped. so as a deterrent what mama usually does is, as papa is about to come in, she goes, let's pretend we're already asleep. if papa sees us sleeping he wont talk and he'll also go to bed. this almost always never works. because he'll wake us up and ask, 'are you sleeping?' yaaanyway, so this one night, as mama was about to apply her tactic, she goes, 'lets sleep fast fast. before gappar singh comes in'.
Gabbar Singh is in Bollywood history the most notorious villians of his time (from this movie called Sholay). Gaap, on the other hand, means talking/talkative. Gaap is a very fluid word la basically.

i hope you get the joke.

Dear Person,

There is something i wish to tell you. I like you and everything. Youre a fairly nice person, who's got a lovely voice and great expressions on your face all the time. Since you havent personally harmed me yet, I dont have much of a right to be telling you this, but i still want to, because i find it highly intolerable that youve been allowed to get away with this for so long.

Stop being so selfish. Reason? Its blood-plain obvious. For anything you want, you bombard people with questions and information-seeking quests. Its fine yknow. So do i. But at the end of the day, id like to believe that all the people i ask questions to, i also care about, to a relative extent. Simply popping up when you need help with your assignment resources, or dont know how to go about something or something completely menial isnt okay. Whats even MORE not okay is to pester them about it. Okay, so we get the idea. You want something. You're going to communicate with us regarding that. You're going to talk and rave on and on about it, and explore every little tiny detail about it. But what is not cool is that you're going to eat the person's brain raw until you attain what you want. It's not nice. Its very annoying and you must realise that people have problems issues and concerns that revolve a little beyond you. 

I have always expressed my displeasure at both people who casually ask me how I'm doing without really caring about how I'm doing just because they need to exchange pleasantries before asking for favours/information AND those that get straight to the point without bullshitting around. Basically I dont like being anyone's Information Center, which is a strongly-stated sentiment Ive echoed on Twitter many a time. I dont like when you're being fake to me and asking me for information, because you dont care about me, but at least you have the decency to exchange pleasantries. I dont like it when you're to-the-point and concise about what you want, because its like you have no manners. Basically I'm a real girl, and a very annoying one. 

Back to the original topic, which I seem to have conveniently forgotten. What pisses me off the most about you is that you dont hesitate even a bit, and just assume that everyone will be around, or would be willing to give you whatever it is your heart desires. We all help each other out, but when asking for a favour, kindly remember the most important bit- ask for it. Dont inform someone that you want it. Its as good as you ordering someone around. Appreciate the fact that someone else may have something more pressing, pertinent or important to attend to. 

That is all. You have a lovely smile though. Dont stop smiling.

Abeer Appropriates!

 there are 2 reasons why i'm extremely cool.

. i know what an ampersand is. and i also know what a crown is. ask me sometime.

. i am the only person i know who has a soap bruise. pears rawks.

. i cracked a brilliant very anti-Pakistan joke today. before i say it, let this be a disclaimer that i have absolutely no animosity for the lovely neighbours. i happen to think they have alot of beauty there.

so there was this dude walking and he was wearing a kurta. now anyone who knows me, knows how much of a high regard i hold a guy in (is it just me or is there something disastrously grammatically wrong here?) a kurta. so when i spotted a kurta-clad man, i was like ooer! and i ask my friends, dyou think he's pakistani? just as they're about to answer the question with mehs and i dont know reallys, the dude trips a little and drops his drink (but catches it just in time). so i go, 'o he's definitely pakistani. he just dopped something'. for those who dont know, this is a not-so-veiled-reference at their poor fielding capabilities on the field, considering they're usually so good at it.

arent i so funny?

. please dont sit next to me and have lunch if you're going to chew with your mouth open.

. i saw the cutest thing today. so i dig kurta boys. i saw one. not only was he wearing a kurta and looking absolutely desi-tastic (i know im going to regret this later), he smiled at someone or something a little while later just as i passed him. and he had braces on. i think its safe to say that im in louv.

. apparently a certain miss puri has a problem with my incomplete weird-ass blog spots. to put it as concisely as she did, 'WHAT THE FUCK ABEER'.

. my best friend called me abeer the aberration today. hahahaha. my other friend called me rickshaw lady. haw haw.

Dear You,

I'm praying to God that you love both music and photography. You simply must, because I adore these two things. I cant wait to come home, eat dinner and wash dishes with you. We'll put on old music from the 5os and 6os, and just wiggle our way through boring home chores.

For example, this song.

Its been covered by Cat Stevens, and originally this post was also meant for Cat Stevens, like Dear Cat Stevens, but I cant seem to find his cover on YouTube. Do bear with me while I tell Mr. Islam a little something.

Dear Mr. Islam,

Thank you for covering tunes like this. You give me something to hope for, in a day and age where music has lost almost all meaning and depth. Thank you.

A.

This next one, is one of my most favourite tunes ever. I love love love it. And Dear You, I'll fall deeply in love with you if you can play this- on anything as deep-sounding as a saxophone. I am specifically talking about that 1.40-1.47 riff (correct me if I'm wrong). I rewind it tons of times just to listen to it over and over again, because I love it so.

This next one is something you'll probably need to watch alot if we're going to be together for a substantial amount of time. I love this movie and cant get enough of it. Honest. I hope you cant too. Also, I love old movies. Please tell me you do too. We'll just sit in, put our feet up, watch old movies and unwind.

In return for all your generosity, I dont mind sharing with you my Shammi Kapoor impression. I also love the songs from Kashmir Ki Kali. I think it had the most beautiful songs ever, and a generation of youth are losing out on a beautiful melodic experience.

Please dont think I'm completely crazy.

Dear Hollywood Producers,

Chow Yun Fatt, Ken Watanabe and Jackie Chan are not representative of the entire East Asian region. Considering there's so many of us in every damn country, kindly stop resting on your laurels, audition more talents and then make a movie.

Love,

A!

Dear Concerned Commentators On The State Of My Weight,

At least there's less of me to go around. You should rejoice!

It'll come back lah. It wont come back overnight, but it'll be back soon!

 Love,
38.

Azoom

No, not a feature on a new camera.

Its the Indian way to assume.

Abeer Appropriates!

. this is going to be one exceptionally random post. reason being because there are so very many thoughts floating around in my head, and so many i must tell you about! oo, and i also lost one. i thought of one on the way back home from uni, but lost it, because i didnt write it down. i wrote the others down on my hand. then my hand ran out of space.

. dyou know why Bombay is awesome? no you dont. there's a band called Bombay Bassment. if you were a music-phile, youd have had an orgasm by now.

. one day, i will take a picture of a man cutting grass. i hope you know that in kl grass is cut using plastic blades. its ingenious. such a great cheap solution and just so so great!

. i want to get married to a chimney sweep. because in the whole world, there's no 'appier bloke. not only that, when you're with a sweep, youre in glad company.

. the Malay language- messing with Malaysian minds since inception.