Mama O Mama!

. so i just asked my mum to borrow the broom and the dustpan and after enquiring if i was mentally alright, she passed it onto me. i went into my room to clean up some rubbish and she barged in right at the moment i was looking at myself in the mirror, adjusting my hair clip, seeing which my mum exclaims 'Allah so cute. Looking like baby shaby'. And I'm like 'haun sachi?' She goes 'Haan, ikdum masoom lag rahi hai' (yeap, you look very innocent). I follow her outside asking her 'haan sachi?' again and then she goes, 'yeah, this is much better than your sweeper style look (haan, yeh tere jhipringmangu* baal aur chehre se zyaada behter hai- in mama's world a word that means unkempt, messy and unclean)'. so i go, 'mama thats so mean of you. aap aisa kaisa keh sakte hai. mein abhi pyaari lag rahi ho, lekin aap toh maa hai na, aap ko toh mujhe hamesha pyaar karna chahiye. surat pe nahi jaana chahiye' (how can you say something like that?! you cant just love me when i look nice. youre a mother, you're meant to love me no matter what i look like). to which my mum goes, 'tere se sirf chudail pyaar kar sak ti hai' (only a witch can love you). to which i respond, 'tabhi toh aap ko pyaar karna chahiye' (which is exactly why you ought to love me!). she goes, 'nahi, chudail pyaar kar sakti hai, MAHA chudail nahi pyaar kar sakti!' (no, a witch can love you, but a MEGA witch cant!)

. so Aunty Ira was home and was cleaning and id just gotten up. she met me and starting talking about how she wanted to listen to hindi songs and whether or not i could help her to buy a CD of songs. i asked her what kind of songs she wanted, slow and mellow or the stereotypical Bollywood type. she chose the latter, saying in the cutest accent, Kabhi Kuushi Kabhi Gum, Kuchi Kuchi Hotaaa Hai, etc. so i was like yeah, can do, and Mama goes from the other end, 'ask her if she's seen Kabhi Gum Kabhi Glue'.

. something happened between us and mama started singing a song. Aunty Ira remarked how nice mama's voice was to which she says, 

'saya nyani,

abeer diwani'.

'i sing,

abeer is crazy.'

(obviously this rhymes in malay and doesnt quite have the same effect in english)

. so mama sits me down during lunch one day and goes, 'yknow how youre always talking about your kids and what youre going to name them and youre so shameless that you dont realise you'll need to have a 1o7 kids to give them all the names you want? well, i was reading the Quran the other day and came across the word 'shams', which means sunset and i thought what a lovely name for a child, but then i thought sunset like hot, and with a poor child blessed with a mum whose temper is as hot as yours, any name of the warm kind would just make the poor thing explode. so ive decided that you should name your children- ice kacang if its a girl, ice cube if its a boy. so they can stay as cool as possible and not be driven crazy by a mother as hot-minded and eccentric as you. cool na?'

*- please meet me to know how exactly jhipringmangu is pronounced.