Mama O Mama!

. A few days ago, I saw Mama working with a 4-sided grater. That grater has been in the household for the last 14 years, and is still as sharp and hurtful (haw haw) as it was when it was brand new. German stainless steel and all that jazz. Anyway, so as I was popping out of the kitchen, I tell Mama that I have always found the grater extremely frightful, because of the risk of getting cut that is involved in that. Mama replies, in English, 'Abeer, dont be a chicken in the kitchen'.

. These following 3 jokes occurred in the timespan of the last 20 minutes. I was working with the computer, and Mama was incessantly annoying me to come for dinner. I just burst saying, 'Calm down!' She replied, 'But that's what I'm doing! Kam!' Kam in our language means work.

. One of my petnames at home is Aburra. Dont ask. I dont know why my relatives always insist on calling me the most impractically uncute names on Earth. Anyway, while I was still at the computer (I'm a bit of a pain really), Mama started screaming, ALLALALALALALALALALLALALALA. Yknow, how the small kids do when they're at the store and Mummy wont buy them sweeties and the know the only way to get it is to make a scene? Mama does the same thing. She thinks that by screaming non-stop in deafening decibels I'll relent and listen to her and come for dinner. She went on for 2 minutes after which she stopped. Then she starts saying non-stop, ABURRA ABURRA ABURRA BURRA BURRA BURRA BURRA BURRA. Then she goes, 'Try as I might, when I repeat your name, no matter how many times I try to call you Aburra, only Burra comes out'. Burra in our language means bad.

. We were having a conversation over dinner (hummus!) and Papa wasnt home yet. After Mama wondered aloud like 2 times about where he might be, I started teasing, 'O, look at the old aunty all full of love missing her old uncle' and stuff of that sentiment. So Mama took it all in, and then goes, 'Yeah so?' 'So what if I want to express love for my family? Arent I allowed to?' To which I replied, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to express love for your family, but if its escaped your attention, Syaitaans (Satans) are incapable of loving. They dont have hearts to love'. Mama replies, 'Yknow Abeer, I dont understand why you refuse to stop talking about yourself'.

PS. Before anyone starts thinking that I'm as rude as the desi kids come nowadays, Mama has a sense of humour and knows that everything I say is said in jest. Just think, if I didnt say such a thing, she wouldnt have been able to come up with a response as classic as that. I love my Ammi.