Abeer Appropriates!

. i had thought of an entirely awesome beginning for this edition of AA (haw haw!), but ive forgotten it.

. i remember it now. it was.

. i came back from india with 48 kilos of check-in baggage and an indian accent. the next 2 months are going to be very hard. quote unquote, 'dude, your accent's fucked'.

. this is the problem with me. i forgot all the awesome things i think of! i hate it when that happens. i wish my mind had a capture machine where i could store all my thoughts as and when they'd come to me, and then take them out of a bank to use them as i please. and blog about them, more importantly.

. i think its very sad that the highlight of Honours for me is the fact that i get my very own table, DESKTOP COMPUTER (OMYGOD) and tiny little space to decorate. its even sadder that at this point that is all im thinking of.

. before i forget, i came up with a brilliant insult out of the blue. lest i forget, i reproduce it here for your pleasure. 

'someone's left your asshole switch on for too long. its about time someone switched it off. that someone is me.'

. okay, so the line was supposed to sound a lot more suave than this. i sound like bruce willis about to pound the living daylights out of someone.

. so going back to original point. i came in to uni today for my first day and guess what? I HAVE MY VERY OWN KEYS! tomorrow, im going to get my access card all ready to be bleeped, because i can do that! isnt that so very exciting? 

. im always excited at the thought of possessing keys. nothing makes me happier than having MY VERY OWN KEYS to tinker and toy with. i feel so cool and independent. i even know the reason behind this. its because only very recently did i recieve my first set of house keys. okay, so it was 3 years ago, but what im trying to say is that until 3 years ago, when i was 18, i wasnt even allowed to touch the house keys. my parents are extremely paranoid. so you can imagine how exciting this is for me.

. okay. ive just been hit with a flash of awesome. im going to write a piece on arts students stereotypes. and imma make it a biting piece!

. going back to original point. this is the second year in succession that i have both keys/access to something that is not inherently mine + access to Microsoft Outlook Express with my own unique mail id. last year i had MUISS keys and an email address designating my position at MUISS. this year i have access to my Honours room keys/cabinets and an email address with my name for my time at CNBC. i cant wait to see what happens next year.

. okay. onto more important things. i cracked two jokes today. the first i cracked in the capacity of many human beings, none of whom laughed. this just proves that im a homosapien with a very advanced sense of humour in a society with lesser mortals. the second joke i cracked to myself in private, and EACH and EVERYONE of my imaginary friends, mind you, each AND everyone of them applauded. again, please remember that you have to be very geographically gifted to comprehend the first joke and intertextuality outshining to get the second.

. 1st joke. 

so shangari was going to have lunch with me, which meant today that she was going to get lunch and i was going to watch her have lunch. santushi helped us get a free place. so she jostled a little to get to the free table before anyone else came. upon reaching, and with us following behind, she said, 'you know, i ran'. i replied, ' that's not the way to pronounce iran, its eeraan'.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. right?

. 2nd joke.

so what dyou think is going to happen with the netherlands match? Seelaar.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

. i love how so many people associate the letter B and the insect with me. its endearing that so many people call me by that petname.

. my day was made 3 times today. 

a. when almost every Faculty member who saw me walk past said 'Welcome Back, Abeer!'

b. when Rashaad came walking from 20 metres away, beaming at me, his toothy smile never waning, all those gums baring at me, and then we hugged and i felt so happy!

c. when i said hi to Sying. i came back home to find a tweet from her saying that i give good hugs. that was so, unexpected, and made me so happy!

. i think mila kunis was the most well-dressed woman on the red carpet. all because of that neckline. oyeaaaaah.

. when i find you, i hope you'll be happy with this idea. we'll take blown up baby pictures of ourselves, stand with them next to each other and smile toothily into the camera somewhere outdoors. wont that make a very pretty picture.

. i think im going to spend alot of time praying, specifying to God that i want you to be really into photography. for my very vain and personal reasons.

. you know you have the bestest friends in the world when they cheer you up and try to restore your faith in humanity by copy-pasting cheesy song lines that are meant to inspire you. 

. sheza gave me a bee-shaped keychain as a keepsake from Lanka. not very Lankan, but a very sweet thought nevertheless. i showed it to papa, who guessed the animal to be rhinoceros. and you dont even want to get me started on how he pronounced the animal's name.

. screw it. im in a sappy mood. i cant wait to fight with you about which movies to watch, me begging for some hindi flick and you insisting on some action-hormone-filled monstrosity. and just bickering about it. and then settling.

. i was informed today, that I am the Settler. go figure.

Abeer Appropriates!

. dont you just love the feel of carpet grass?

. is there anything more special than seeing kiron kher smile? i think not.

. ratna pathak looks amazing with silver hair. id like to think that i too, would look with nice grey, silver-y hair. o my ghod, i cant WAIT to grow old!

. i just know it. that when i get married, im going to be that bride who, while being asked by the kazi, if i accept (3 times over), will end up answering the kazi 'i accept' 2 times, but keeping the kazi (and dude who im going to marry) waiting before i say it the third time. just so people (and dude who im going to marry) heave a sigh of relief when i do finally say 'i accept'. because im a drama mama like that!

. is it just me or does the sentence above sound a little grammatically off?

. i know one thing for sure. my funeral is probably going to be one of the most awesome ones you've ever attended. everyone will wear colourful clothes and they will all be laughing at me and my ways!

. my papa hates it when i say 'and stuff', 'pissed off' and 'bucks'. go figure.

. Abeer Yusuf- Lighting Up Your Life Ji. 

I came up with that. I have my own tagline now. Isnt that so cool?

. when i came back, my papa was like, 'dyou know how much the phone bill was in your absence, in 2 months?' and i was like, 'how much?' he goes, '2 ringgit' (24 rupees or summat). when i was around, the phone bill would inevitably reach 150-200 ringgit. i responded, 'well, i was all for staying back in bombay and not increasing your phone bill, but you're the one who wanted me back. now you're going to have to pay!'

. am i the only human being who has noted something absolutely hilarious in the side profile pictures of captains for upcoming World Cup matches? Dear Graphics team covering the WC, they look like side profile mug shots!

. i finished dona nicanora's hat shop in like 2 days. ive completed 2 books in 5 days. i feel like im getting my mojo jojo back.

. there is a song in a movie called Anjaana Anjaani. Anjaana Anjaani means Stranger (Male), Stranger (Female). theres the title track, which is obviously Anjaana Anjaani. now whats of interest is that there's this particular lyric in the song which goes, 'I met a boy and his name is Anjaana/I met a girl and her name is Anjaani'. just think about this logically. what kind of parent would name their child, stranger?

. udaan has the best soundtrack hands down. pity it takes 7 filmfare awards for a movie of that splendour to be visible. also, would anyone have a copy of A Hard Day's Night? or Seriously Funny Kids? or The President is Coming? if the last title rhymes with a porn movie of a similar title, no, i dont want that, i want the Hindi movie. please and thank you.

If You Know An Abeer...

Chances are that he's a Bengali boy and his name is spelt Obir/Abir.

Story of my life.

Abeer Appropriates!

. one of my fondest memories as a child was being at Singapore airport. at that point of time, there was no direct mumbai-kl flights, and we'd go to singapore, and hop on the plane from there to bombay. i loved the airport. there was a beautiful koi pond, it had the best carpet and i would always look out for Arnold Ss' Planet Hollywood statue whenever we'd go there, because it was quite near the Prayer Room. i really wish i could go back to being a child, sitting at Singapore airport.

. one of my other most favourite memories is of the time i was in Kuwait. since i was small there isnt much i remember, but i do know bits and pieces from here and there. what i loved the most was going to this particular grocery store there, where they had shopping carts for kids. so while your papa and mama were buying their groceries, you got the chance to wheel your very own cart, which was in my size! i just loved that. i hope i can live somewhere in the future where my children can do that too.

. vishal bharadwaj has a lovely soaky voice. evidence.

. geotagging is scary. its extremely scary. it may be fun when you want to show your friends where you are, but its scary beyond belief. people should stop geotagging. they really should.

. papa said that i could go watch india pakistan live if they face off each other. i hope they meet each other in the finals. its always been a dream of mine to watch a india pakistan match at wankhede.

. isnt there something extremely sensual about priyanka chopra's lips? i cant look beyond them when i look at her.

. christchurch, i cry for you.

Dear Mr.

Daniel Vettori

Ross Taylor

Kumar Sangakkara

AB de Villiers

This is just for your information. I own a Victoria's Secret fragrance called Love Spell.

One day sirs.

One day.

Good Afternoon World.

This used to be my favourite song as a child.

It still is.

I used to crack up the volume of the car stereo when the karela and birthday part would come on.

Abeer Appropriates!

. i left home, for home. i dont quite like the feeling of being back home for the first time in my life. something about falling back into the same grind of things and dealing with demons of a domestic fashion.

. i would like to invent a quote. that quote would be something to this effect- 'for everything good that happens, something equally bad takes place'.

. i have learnt that from experience. so i had a really horrible time with the graduation dress episode, which i havent been able to talk to anyone about, but this really awesome thing happened because of which it was all okay in the end. however, in place of that, ive forgotten my entire pink folder which contains ALL my certificates and allocades. ugh!

. we came by Air Asia. obviously there was no inflight entertainment. i was trying very hard while at home to finish that awesome book, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society book, but it wasnt working out because of the insane load of work we had. i think its quite sad that it took me a plane ride depleted of in-flight entertainment to read a book. but it was such good fun, that when i read a particular line, i started laughing my head off, and this firaang sitting perpendicularly opposite in front of me, kept staring back.

. everytime i laugh while reading a book, i feel like this man.

. and everytime i see that man, i wonder what book he was reading.

. i will dance to these songs to my wedding- the dhinchak one, and the lyrical one.

. back to the original topic. i was halfway through the book when i began reading it in the plane, and the uncle sitting next to me was reading a Grisham, entitled The Confession i think. i talked to him a little, just little tittle-tattle Abeer-style, offered him candy that Mama passed to me, and he asked me what book i was reading. i passed it onto him to read, and he fell in love with it too. he now has the book, is in KL for 7 days and will return the book when he's done with it.

. because only a book-devourer knows the value of a good book.

. i love uttering the phrase 'in my unesteemed and uneducated opinion'. i try and include it everywhere i need to project my opinion. its such a pseudo-humble phrase, its gives you the passport to be completely irrational and bigoted. in my unesteemed and uneducated opinion at least.

. i was kind of offered 2 jobs by 2 media channels. blessed, i am. AH.

. india is awesome because indians make Parle-G biscuits.

. i love Kit Kats.

Dear Ranmali,

I was quite bereft at the thought that my name would never sound quite as cool as if it were beginning with a Q, feeling resigned at the fate that I was to forever more sign off as an A. 

Until you came into the picture and resolved this algorithm for me, enlightening me to the fact that I could sign off as Quintessentially Abeer.

Indebted to you forever,

Q.

Dont you just love it when an airplane swoons and swoops across the city, giving you a taste of the city's landscape? 

Abeer Might Temporarily Be Unavailable...

Because I am busy catching up with Life. Dyou know that Ive had like about 20-30 dates with Life already?

Apart from that, I'm busy being romanced by the sun and wind of Bombay, who wish not that i leave. they're like two jealous lovers fighting over me, can you believe it?* me! the sun caresses my skin and the wind wipes his mark away, bringing forth instead his gentle gestures. sometimes if ive been with the sun for too long, he gets angry, then smushes my hair as an act of revenge. it leaves me all huffy puffy, having to de-stress my overly-stressed hair.

* i bet you think the overexposure to the sun and an overdose of vitamin D have rendered me senseless, but trust me, it's all in the flow.