Mama O Mama!

. We were talking in the kitchen after dinner and Mama's hair was all over the place. So I went up and gently tried to put a lock behind her ear, to which she went, 'dont show me all this artificial pyaar [love] and all that'. To which I responded, 'I'm not. You look like your hair is exploding so I thought I'd make it look a little human'. To which she said, 'O, and your hair? As if your hair is so great. Yknow from the back, it looks like...'. Just while she was contemplating what metaphor or name to put in there, I decided to jump in and say the first name that came to my mind, saying, 'and from the back it looks like Aishwariya Rai*. I know'. To which she goes, 'and from the front you look like Johnny Lever'. If you're uninitiated, I strongly suggest Googling the man. It will be worth it. I had to leave of course, I could not top that.

. Right after that, something happened while we were talking (I dont remember unfortunately) and my mum replied, "you're a terror abeer. baap re, tere bachche honge to pata nahi kya hoga. agar tere bachche tujshe das guna zyaada honge to baap re. tu toh pagal ho jayegi" (man, i dont know what will happen when you have kids. if they're 10 times as bad as you, you'll go nuts). And im like all chill yeah yeah, and then she goes, "baap re, agar tere bachche honge to itni awaaz hogi. tum log hamesha ladte hi raho ge. I think tum ko bangle mein rehna zaroori ho ga, kyunki agar tum log condominium mein raho ge, toh sab log awaaz sun ke bhaag jaayenge" (man, if you have kids theyre going to create such a racket. you'll be fighting all the time. i think you need to live in a bungalow and not a condominium, because if you did, everyone would get scared hearing your voice and then run away."

. Prior to that, while we were having a meal, I was eating really sloppily. Just because, okay. And she goes, "Abeer, tu jis se bhi shaadi karige, tu please us ke saamne shaadi se pehle khana mat khana. Warna woh bhaag jayega" (abeer, whoever you marry, please dont eat in front of him before you get married to him, or he'll abandon you and run away). Dont you just love the maternal affection my mum oozes?

*- Let it be known that I explicitly do not like the woman. At all. I just could not come up with anything better. Wont happen again.