Dear Kajol,

I would like to question the logic of a few lines you lip sync to in this movie you may or may not have heard of. It was called Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and released in 1995. This song that I write of to you in particular, is the first in the movie, and still causes quite the fluttered heartbeat among many Indian youth. Its basically a song where you're wondering when your knight-in-shining-armour will make his appearance in your life and though you could have just wondered quietly into your Diary, you decided to do the Bollywood thing and make a song and dance scene out of it. In your bedroom.

Needless to say, I was quite disturbed by the following lines.

. 'Apna hai ya beganaa hai woh?' (Is he one of us or is he a stranger?)

Unless you're into incestuous arrangements of matrimony, I highly recommend that you dont put a question out there like that.

. 'Dekhe door door se, mujhe ghoor ghoor ke, usse kaho meri neend na churaye.' (Tell him who looks at me from afar (afar), who stares (stares), not to snatch my sleep away like so.)

Uh yeah, I dont know if you realise this or not, but anyone who stares at you shamelessly from afar ought to be reported to the authorities. I'll even help you out with what you should say to the cops. Tell them you have a stalker! Its not a good thing Kajol. Unless of course, you like that sort of a thing. In which case, you can totally sue Stephenie Meyer and tell her that, 'Bitch, Edward Cullen is Indian! Go find your own gora creep!'

. 'Kar bhehtha bhool woh, le aaya phool woh, usse kaho jaaye chand le ke aaye.' (He made a mistake, he brought flowers, tell him to go get me the moon!)

What are you, Stu from Despicable Me? What do you NEED a moon for anyway? And supposing he did in fact get it for you, what would you do with it? I highly doubt that you'd have the space to keep it. Flowers not looking so bad now, are they.

And yknow whats the most delusional part of this entire circus? None of the things you claim this guy to have done, he's actually done! I mean, there's no GUY in the first place, forget everything else!

Yeah, that's about it really.

A.

PS. Here's the video in case any of you are interested. I suggest you wait till the end for the cameo of the uploader. Sight you wouldnt want to miss out on.