magazines.

yesterday, i went to a place. yes i know. yay me. see it was this establishment, and while waiting, you could read a magazine. all the magazines stocked were the latest march editions of ladies magazines. meaning that all your Harpers Bazaar, Female, Women's Weekly, they were all there.

and i was disgusted. i couldnt even bear to pick a single issue up. they were all loaded with text, and just the same kind of words everywhere. while i dont recall the exact nature of everything i read, all my mind scanned and showed me was:

. top 10 ways to be perfect. (its an illusion really, but we want your 7 bucks)

. 7 items you need in your wardrobe (this invariably is something unwearable OR will cost a bomb, but hey, whos ever been harmed by a spot of consumerism eh?)

. how to be happy (you probably already know this, but we need to fill our ad pages up, and really, get your 7 bucks)

. ways to be lucky in love (never mind that you have a stinking personality, its all about how you treat your next prey. really)

. get that job youve always wanted (no, not through hard work, persistence or be being good at your job, but by reading our utterly and highly un-helpful crap article)

. [enter generic title here to generic star's interview which begins with a line like, "As so-and-so star walked into the lobby of the 5-star hotel, everyone's head turned. oblivious to the attention, so-and-so sat down and with a practised air of ease, non-chalantly apologised for being late. so-and-so is such a great person for agreeing to do this interview with us. i mean, its not like she's promoting her new movie or project and is trying to cultivate her brand image and familiarity with the masses. what an altruistic human being. i hope we can go out, hold hands and wear daises in our hair".]

okay, so the last one was a bit long. and should have been a part of this rather than that. but whatever. i can do it the opposite way and be like, Why So-And-So Is Riding High On the Monstrosity That Is Her Life. whee. that looks much better no? 

yaanyway. i picked up a Bazaar, because i was bored out of my banal skull. and i almost wanted to puke. all i could see was 

BUY buy BUY buy buy BUY buy BUY buy BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY buy buy buy buy buy BUY

it was disgusting really. glossy pages one after the other, loaded with things you 'need' in your life, which is why you're the miserable sad sod you are today, and how with one purchase of a crap product you can transform yourself from Ugly Betty to Betty Boop. its pathetic really. i mean, forget everything. all those stylised shoots with the faux philosophy of deconstructing socio-cultural landscapes and taking high culture into places regally associated with low culture? stop it. try something new already. 

its like each and every picture placed there, each and every word, is trying you tell you, in the most sugar-coated way possible, that you are not enough. you arent good as you are. you are flawed. but its okay. for 7 bucks we can show you how to turn your life around. you know what? they cant. only you have the power to do so. sagely advise can never come from a female magazine. i know the reason why i used to buy seventeen. there used to be a feature story every issue about teens who were living difficult lives. that was beautiful. young mothers, rape victims. its the only reason i liked seventeen. they had enough sense to show young minds that not everything is rosy, that on the other side of the world, teenagers and young adults your age are suffering from the most random and unheard-of situations. that people are fighting daily battles. and that they're losing. and so that you dont have to fight it and lose, we're writing something for your benefit. that was good. what is not, are the dubious success stories of stoic women featured in magazines wearing 3o,ooo dollars worth of jewelery and clothes, harping on about how they found success in some adverse situation, which isnt adverse really, considering that these women had help at hand, were trophy wives to influential men, or some other crap. i really need to be more imaginative and use some word apart from crap. 

yeah, that's about it.